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Eagles wideout DeSean Jackson surprised bullying victim Nadin Khoury on The View earlier this year to show his support for the victim.

Illustration by Darrow

 

In this week's SI, I wrote an essay about DeSean Jackson of the Eagles. In it, I neglected to mention the enormous human tragedy of the Eagles losing three football games and instead focused on something else: Jackson's crusade against bullying.

Inspired by a Pennsylvania kid named Nadin Khoury, who stood up against bullies, Jackson spent the offseason on his anti-bullying campaign. Jackson believes athletes can make a huge difference when it comes to stopping bullying.

In many ways, it is the ideal cause for a pro athlete — exactly the right way to use our country's sports-idol worship for the greater good. There are a million great causes, of course. Anybody who raises money to fight a disease or help underprivileged kids is doing a wonderful thing. But athletes are uniquely suited to fight bullying. From elementary school to pick-up games at the Y, they command respect from their peers. They epitomize cool. And if they say bullying is not cool, that resonates.

But it occurs to me that sports can make a huge impact on stopping bullying in another way, too. We just have to view sports differently.

Playing sports is supposed to build self-esteem, keep us mentally and physically healthy and teach us how to work with others. But Leila Steinberg, who works with Jackson on his anti-bullying campaign, said: "The dynamic of cooperation has to come in addition to competition. We've kind of lost that."

Why?

"The parents half the time are the worst," Steinberg said. "They don't know how to watch their (kids') games. If we're honest, we live through our kids. I started observing all the parents who don't live through their kids in a healthy way. I started seeing this dynamic … You see these parents fighting in the stands."

Many parents are so worried about teaching their kids how to win that they never teach them how to lose. I'm not just talking about the infamous parents who measure their kids' muscles at birth, have them lifting weights as an infant and don't let them walk near a Dairy Queen, let alone stop in and have a cone. In fact, I explicitly am not talking about those parents. I think it's too easy to point to them and say, "They're the ones with lousy priorities. They don't get it. I do."

I'm talking about the rest of us. We tell eight-year-olds to focus on one sport year-round. It is commonplace for kids switch high schools to get more playing time. Kids learn that winning is the most important thing, even if nobody says it directly.

PEOPLE.COM: MOST INSPIRING ANTI-BULLYING STORIES

TIME.COM: SHOULD WE RE-THINK OUR ANTI-BULLYING STRATEGY

TIME.COM: SEARCHING FOR MY HIGH SCHOOL BULLY 24 YEARS LATER

TIME.COM: WHAT 10 FAMOUS FILMS TEACH US ABOUT BULLYING

And as a result, instead of feeling good about accomplishing whatever they can accomplish, they think sports are just about beating somebody. They don't get the social benefits of playing sports: improved self-esteem and a comfort and understanding of who they are. If more people had that, we would treat people better. We wouldn't bully as much.

What if we told our kids to focus on helping their teammates, not beating their opponents? The on-field objectives would be the same: To excel athletically and try to win. But the reasons for playing would change. Sports would be a much more positive experience.

Steinberg's nonprofit, Alternative Intervention Models, encourages kids through the arts and athletics. Think about how differently we view those endeavors. We don't send kids on traveling art teams. If a 10-year-old draws something surprisingly beautiful, we don't angle to turn him into a millionaire by 25.

We seem to understand that arts are an outlet for creative expression and self-discovery. Sports should be more like that. What if you saw your kid out on the baseball field and viewed him not as a hitter, but as a painter? What if he wasn't trying to be a hero to others, but to himself?

Sports will never be exactly like the arts. Most of our sports are team games, so more people have a vested interest in the result. We can let people down in sports, and we don't cheer at art exhibitions.

"With arts, it is usually self-driven," Steinberg said. "Sports, it's much more acceptable, it's much more social. A lot of times, those that are drawn to the arts for that outlet. It's not done in the community in the same way. The participation is not the same. That's why sports is so much more important in terms of tools you can instill. You have everybody in the family observing."

Still, if sports were more like the arts — marked more by encouragement than discipline, with a different measurement of success — we would get so much more out of them. "The potential for reframing how we work with our kids is huge," Steinberg said.

We can start by redefining what it means to win.

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/michael_rosenberg/10/06/bullying/index.html#ixzz1bLIYpyf0

from: Kid Safe

2,500 people attend Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention's national conference

WASHINGTON, Oct. 12, 2011 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — More than 2,500 people will gather this week to discuss juvenile justice, delinquency prevention, and victimization at the Department of Justice's Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) conference, Children's Justice and Safety: Unite, Build, Lead, fromOctober 12-14, 2011, in National Harbor, Md.  

"This conference provides a snapshot of juvenile justice today," said Jeff Slowikowski, OJJDP Acting Administrator.  "During the next three days, we will present the latest research and evaluation findings, examine dominant and emerging issues in children's justice and safety, and develop a vision to meet the challenges that lie ahead."

The conference theme "Unite, Build, Lead" corresponds with the three days of the conference.  Day 1: Unite, focuses on bringing together the many fields of interest in juvenile justice, Day 2: Build, focuses on structuring effective programs for children and youth, and Day 3: Lead, features federal leaders addressing the future of juvenile justice. The conference's workshops will address an array of timely issues, including:

Anti-gang strategies Children's exposure to violence Disproportionate minority contact Emergency planning for juvenile facilities Girls on the margin Family and youth engagement Law enforcement partnerships	Mentoring Protecting and advocating for children Putting research into practice Substance abuse Tribal youth issues Truancy and dropping out Youth in custody

Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, Attorney General Eric Holder, and General Raymond T. Odierno, Chief of Staff for the U.S. Army, will deliver remarks about the importance of mentoring the children of military families on Friday, October 14.  Other participating Justice Department officials include Deputy Attorney GeneralJames Cole, Associate Attorney General Thomas Perrelli, and Assistant Attorney General Laurie O. Robinson.

Conference speakers include: R. Gil Kerlikowske, Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy; Congressmen Chaka Fattah, Christopher S. Murphy, and Robert C. Scott; Elizabeth Smart, advocate and president of the Elizabeth Smart Foundation; Ernie Allen, President and CEO of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children; Joe Torre, Major League Baseball legend and Chairman of the Board for the Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation; and the Rev. Gregory Boyle, Homeboy Industries.

OJJDP supports states and communities in their efforts to develop and implement effective and coordinated prevention and intervention programs and to improve the juvenile justice system so it protects public safety, holds offenders accountable, and provides treatment and rehabilitative services for juveniles and families.  For more information on OJJDP, visit: www.ojjdp.gov.  

The conference agenda is available at: http://www.ojjdp.gov/2011conference/2011ConferenceProgram.pdf.

OJP, headed by Assistant Attorney General Laurie O. Robinson, provides federal leadership in developing the nation's capacity to prevent and control crime, administer justice, and assist victims. OJP has six components: the Bureau of Justice Assistance; the Bureau of Justice Statistics; the National Institute of Justice; the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention; the Office for Victims of Crime; and the Office of Sex Offender Sentencing, Monitoring, Apprehending, Registering, and Tracking. More information about OJP can be found at www.ojp.gov.

SOURCE Department of Justice

If you have an opinion about this please contact your local representatives and make your voice known.  How can our government represent us (the citizens) if they don't know what our opinions are!  Get involved, Stay informed and Interact – It's not only our right as Americans but our responsibility as citizens and parents!

from: Kid Safe

When I posed the question on Facebook.com, I recieved quite a discussion among my peers and colleages.  Some parents think that there should only be spying when there is cause to spy, because of a triggering action like lower grades, unexplained absence, change in behavior, change in friends, or getting caught doing drugs, stealing, sexting, even by accident.  Below are a few posts from the discussion with names removed.

•  It's not spying , it's making sure they are not @#$R% up !

•  There is a trust issue there. I know most parents feel entitled but at the same time you can't give the kid the sense that you NEVER believe in anything that they say. If you have a suspect something, address it.

•   I agree with you on the fact that it breaks the trust issue, I feel that it also relieves the kid of personal accountability – but then again – If I could have stopped my kids from taking that first hit – or meeting that first girl/boy – who knows?

•  The only reason we worry about things that ours kids do is because we worry about how unprepared they are. Kids won't communicate with you unless they feel you are an outlet of trust. Don't get me wrong nothing wrong with snooping if you really feel something is going on, but automatic entitlement to that isn't the best approach.

•  My (step son) plays on XBOX Live a lot, but when he is at school I check is Buddy list. If someone new is on there, next time he's playing I wait to see the same unknown name and ask "Oh who's that?" and if he says it's a friend, I'll ask to say hi.. Because it's an open dialog he lets me and the person on the other end knows "Oh S^&*! His parents are involved". I'll inform him of how people can be "inappropriate"  and show him videos of kids sending rage voice mails, bad hurtful messages, etc. Usually parents will see something out of sync, if at all, and immediately go into like an attack mode. There are smart ways to go about it without lookin glike the gustapo..

•  This is a huge issue. I think children and pre-teens need to be monitored closely to keep them safe. Teens need to be given privacy and respect. However you must still be involved as "the above" has stated, in a positive way. There is nothing wrong with monitoring a teens activities. Parents must examine their own motives. Teens need freedom to make their own wise decisions and to make mistakes that they will learn from, and parents should be there to help them when they fall.
 

As you can see there is quite a variety of responses from the 35-45 year old range, but how does a grandmother feel?

•  They did not have such things when my children and grand children were of an age of danger. Now that they are adults NO. Besides I would imagine that the "facebook" pages the danger age children have that their parents are aware of are edited for parents and then they would create alias pages only their friends would be aware of if they are doing things they did not want the general public to know. For children.

•  Youngest to 13 years old: I think it would be an individual decision. I think all parents know what their children are doing. Some just do not want to know or are afraid to know and others have a disconnected relationship with their children.

  13 and under: If you feel your child is experimenting or experiencing inappropriate adventures for their age and you truly want to help them and have or want to have a connected relationship with their children may want to monitor their whereabouts and openly discuss adventures that concern you.

Let's have some more discussion on this topic, How does it effect their self esteem if they find out you, the parent,  are spying without cause, what advice would you give to your parent friends?  Is having an open relationship with your kids more important (letting them know what you have done or are going to do?) 

If you let your kids know in advance that you are going to monitor their internet and cell phone activities won't they find another way to communicate without your knowledge?

I really like the comment where the parent shows their kid videos of the dangers of communicating with unknown people, who could be predators, cyber-bullies,  and overall inappropriate for a 13 year old. Below is a video that might be good to show your teenagers of the negative possibilities of Facebook.com and even though monitoring software might not be able to stop this particular danger, it might be a good conversation starter with your teens about the dangers of Facebook.com, and other social networking sites.

Individuals can join TV Watch and receive a monthly newsletter or go to the website and access a host of information including tutorials, latest news and relevant studies.  Most recently TV Watch launched a campaign “Parent-To-Parent” to help raise awareness about the resources and tools available to parents to help ensure children are viewing television programs consistent with their age, and the family’s taste and values.  Parents are encouraged to take steps such as setting the parental controls on the televisions in children’s rooms, inform the other parents about their rating standard when their child is going to a friend’s house and recommend “Television Tools for Parents 101” to other parents so they understand the ratings and, if they choose, how to set their parental controls. 

TV Watch is encouraging parents to take advantage of easily downloadable resources such as the "Easy As Toast" Tutorial and “Parent-to-Parent Information Card” with local parents groups, at scout meetings and at other community events.  TV Watch is also on Twitter and Facebook.